A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
B: That's impossible. Whose baby?
A: An elephant's.

Three guys work on a construction site. One is white, one is black and one is Polish. The bell rings for lunch and the white man opens his lunch bag and sighs deeply, saying, "If my wife packs me a ham sandwich again tomorrow I'm jumping off the building." The black guy opens up his lunch, glares and says " If my wife packs me a ham sandwich again tomorrow, I'm going with you." The Polish man opens his lunch, pulls out another ham sandwich, and says "I'm with you guys."

The next day the lunch bell rings. The white man opens his lunch. He says, "Turkey sandwich. I love my wife." The black guy opens his lunch. He says, "Chicken sandwich. I love my wife. The Polish man opened his lunchbox, looked stricken, and said "HAM AGAIN! See ya guys." With that, he jumped off the building. The black guy says " I feel sorry for him." The white man replies, "I'm not, he packs his own lunch."

So...I had this rabbit that died of heatstroke after a week and I didn't have a time to name it. So after it died and was on my lap the name came to me...I'll call it floppy!

A man goes to visit the grave of his mother, puts a beautiful bouquet at the headstone and gets up, to leave when he notices another man crying his heart out, lying on one of the graves in such a way, that he breaks the other man's heart.

The sobbing goes on and on and he hears the other say:
- Oh why? Why did you have to die!? Why did you go?
And then he breaks down sobbing again, hitting his head over the headstone, still crying:
-Oh why did you die!? Why did you go so soon?

Intrigued, the other guy goes to him and says:
I'm so sorry for your loss, is there anything I can do for you?
Who is the person you are crying over so desperately, he asks, in compassion?

That's my wife's third husband, comes the reply, between sobs.
I'm number four.....

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now & we don't know where the hell she is!

Doctor: Have you ever fainted before?
 

Patient: Yes, the last time you told me your fees.

Man 1: After buying this new hearing aid, I am able to hear something two blocks away.
 

Man 2: Cool, how much did it cost?
 

Man 1: The time is three past ten.

Interviewer: Do you think you can handle a variety of work?
 

Candidate: Yes I think so, I have worked in 10 different places in the last 3 months.

My boss walked past my desk and asked me: "Why are you not working?"
 

I replied "Because I never saw you coming Sir".

Employee: I got to have salary increment. Three other companies are after me.
 

Boss: Really? Which are the three companies?
 

Employee: The electric company, the telephone company and the gas company.

Q: What is the longest word in the English language?
 

A: SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!"

Q: What's the difference between a used car salesman and a software salesmen?

A: Only the used car salesmen knows when he lying.

One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping.

Didn't realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note:

"Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Dad."

Q: Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum?

A: He got stuck in Orbit!

Mohan: Why Did The Girl Put A Packet Of Sugar Under Her Pillow.
 

Ravi: To Have Sweet Dreams.