Dad's writes on son's Facebook wall:

"Dear Son, How are you? All are fine here. We miss you a lot. Please!! TURN OFF THE COMPUTER & COME DOWN FOR DINNER!!!
Teacher: "Amy, what do you call the outside of a tree?"
 
Student: "No idea miss"
 
Teacher told angrily: "Bark, Amy".
 
Amy: "Bow Wow Wow Miss"
A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window... "Pull over!"

"No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"
Mrs. Smith: Help me, doctor! My son, John, swallowed the can opener!

Doctor: Don't panic. He'll be alright.

Mrs. Smith: But how do I open the can of beans?! The toast is getting cold!
Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.

Doctor: Tell me about your problem.

Patient:
I just did, didn't I, you stupid fool!!
A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help.

Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!

Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!